2-Dad
by retsk65
Summary: A mysterious basket is left on the band's porch, which turns out to contain a baby, the product of Paula's accidental pregnancy. She decides to give the newborn to 2-D because she doesn't want to raise him herself. 2-D now has to learn how to care for and raise the baby all by himself in 212 Wobble St. Rated T for profanity.
1. Chapter 1

**PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE READING: Ok, I noticed the times don't really match up in this story. Paula and 2-D's break up was at least 10-15 years before Wobble St. That means any baby that could've been produced would be at least 10, maybe even 15. If 2-D were to have any new baby, it would probably be from one of the random girls he went out and, you know, impregnated. But I can't rewrite the whole story. Paula was just the first girlfriend that came to mind. So like..pretend the break up happened later or something. Or maybe they got back together for a one night stand. Use your imagination. Thanks and enjoy.**

The day got even more painfully dull as it dragged on. All the shutters had been pulled down and the rain was making a racket on the rooftop. The TV was playing an endless loop of static and not a word was spoken throughout the building. The apartment was a perfectly serene scene with only the thundering outside to be heard. Russell Hobbs and Noodle sat in their respective rooms entertaining themselves with whatever they could find in the horrible mess where the floor should be. It was certain nobody was going to want to clean it up, and there was absolutely no way they would ever be able to afford a house cleaner. Murdoc Niccals lay on the kitchen counter, quickly chugging down his 2nd bottle of scotch. That man needed some professional help. And then there was Stuart-Stuart Pot, or 2-D as he preferred to be called, lay on the couch with one leg propped up on the arm. He watched the static on the TV screen as if it was the most intriguing show to ever grace his eyes. It seemed as if nothing in the world could interrupt the perfect silence in the buildi-

Wait.

What was that?

A loud ringing could be heard in every room, a sound that was rarely ever heard in the building. It was the doorbell. But who would need them in the middle of the afternoon on a wildly stormy day? Somebody needed to get the door and go see what this person needed. 2-D, seeing as Murdoc was too drunk to walk and Noodle and Russell probably wanted to rest, decided that somebody would be him. Stretching his hands up to the ceiling, 2-D stood up and made his way over to the door. Placing his lanky fingers around the doorknob, he turned it. As soon as the door was opened, he could see a black car speeding away.

"Ey, wait wait wait wait wait!" 2-D called hopelessly after the car, but it was far too late. Sighing, he looked down at the ground and noticed something strange. The person in the black car had left a slightly curved basket with a blanket over it on the porch. Attached was a note addressed to "Stu-Pot". 2-D cocked his head, and picked up the basket. He went back inside and closed the door. He took the note out of it's envelope and began to read it to himself:

Dearest Stu:

I should say I'm sorry for not telling you about this. I should say I'm sorry for leaving you so soon. But you know what? I'm really not sorry. I kept this a secret so that I wouldn't have to stay. I found someone better than you. I guess I can thank you for that last part though. But what's in this basket is not my problem. So I'm making it yours. Good luck. You'll need it.

Love, Paula

2-D crumpled up the note and dropped it to the floor, stamping on it once for good measure. He lifted a corner of the blanket to reveal what looked like a toe. He quickly let go, letting out a small shriek. Once he regained enough courage, 2-D threw the entire blanket off. Sitting in the basket was a chubby, drooling baby boy. He had tiny tufts of blue hair and dark eyes. 2-D smiled for a moment at the sight of his son.

"I'm a father!" He whispered to himself. But his smile quickly turned to a look of anxiety.

"Wait...a baby? How am I suppos' to take care of a baby? I'll have to get em' formula, an' diapers, an' teach em' to talk, an' an'...oh nooo I can't be a dad ye-het!" 2-D rambled to himself, running his fingers through his hair. Interrupting his thoughts, the smell of alcohol wafted into his nose as an intoxicated Murdoc stood over him and his baby.

"Wudduya got there in tha basket 3-D?" slurred Murdoc. "You can't have em'!" 2-D exclaimed snatching up the infant.

"Naw, I wasn't lookin to steal the flesh bag. I jus-I jus needed to tell ya that it's not easy. An I experienced a pretty...fucked up upbringing if ya ask me."

2-D stood in silence, blinking every so often.

"Look-" Murdoc paused to take another swig of scotch. "I jus gotta tell ya...you're on your own 24-D. But you at least gotta name the damn thing before you start teachin it how to shit and speak." Murdoc promptly passed out and dropped to the ground.

"T-thanks. Murdoc." 2-D stammered glancing down at the baby in his arms.

"You're gonna be Shane. I betcha Lynch would appreciate that."

Cradling Shane Pot, 2-D began to softly sing the whimpering child to sleep.

"Up on Melancholy Hill, there's a plastic tree. Are you here with me? Just looking out on the day, of another dream..."


	2. Chapter 2

"SCREEEEE!"

3am. It was the sixth time that night that 2-D was woken up by the hollering baby beside him. The bags under his eyes had grown bigger and bigger each time-he thought he might collapse because of the sleep deprivation. Rubbing his eyes, 2-D picked Shane up and slowly dragged himself downstairs. Once in the kitchen, he flicked the overhead light on and opened the fridge.

"Let's see...where did I put that blasted formula?!" 2-D muttered to himself, fumbling around on the top shelf. At last, he came to a white bottle marked "For the baby" and took it out. He warmed it in his hands, for the microwave had broken months ago, and began to feed it to the baby. Out of the corner of his eye, 2-D spotted a single heavily bruised eye peeking out from behind a corner. Noodle stepped out as quickly as 2-D had noticed her eye. She donned a white nightgown and had left her mask behind.

"Hello 2-D." She said, sleepiness evident in her voice. "Ello' there Noodle." 2-D said, waving with his free hand. "What brings you 'ere at this hour?"

"I woke to get a glass of water." She replied. "But also to see your child."

"Well, he's right here!" 2-D said, turning toward his younger bandmate. Noodle placed her small hands on Shane's cheeks and pinched them. "He looks like you." She said, smiling at the now giggling baby in 2-D's arms. "Yeah..." he trailed off. "He was a bit of a surprise at first, but he's certainly a surprise I could get used to!"

Noodle nodded in understanding. She was warned by Murdoc not to mention a certain ex-guitarist within earshot of 2-D, or else it might set him off again. Last time her name was mentioned, Murdoc had to stop 2-D's violence with a chloroform stained rag. She hurt him and she hurt him badly. It was this ex-guitarist that produced the baby that Noodle was looking at right then and she knew that just as she knew most behind the scenes stories of the band. But that's a whole different story.

"I have to go to sleep again now. And I think you do also." Noodle laughed, grabbing a water bottle from the fridge and heading towards the stairs. "Night then, Noodle!" 2-D called from the kitchen. "Goodnight 2-D!" She called back, closing the door to her bedroom. 2-D sighed and rubbed his eyes once more. He hoped this would be the very last time he'd have to wake up. Or at the very least, the last baby that would show up at his doorstep. But he was determined to raise Shane right as the next generation of the Pot family. He would raise Shane better then that scummy ex-girlfriend/guitarist could do, that he knew. But poor 2-D was still so unsure of so many things. How do you teach a human to talk? How do you teach a human to put one foot in front of the other? And why couldn't he do it?

2-D wearily began to walk back up the stairs, each step feeling like an entire mile of walking as a result of his tiredness. Once he reached his small room, he closed the door and for the first time that night (or morning), both Pots slept.

It was 12:15. 5 hours past his alarm. Angry footsteps could be heard outside 2-D's door that were getting louder and angrier as they got closer. Finally, the door to his room was swung open, waking up both him and his sleeping son. A very disturbed looking Murdoc stood in the doorway, arms folded at his bare chest. He took a very deep inhale and-

"WHAT IN THE NAME OF BEELZEBUB'S LIVING ROOM ARE YOU DOING STILL ASLEEP?" he screeched. 2-d shielded Shane from any danger Murdoc could inflict on him in the next 5-10 minutes he'd be yelling in that doorway. Who knows, that man could very well be preparing to slap 2-D upside the head with a shoe again. "I-I was jus' catching up on the sleep I lost caring for my son!" 2-D said fearfully staring back at the shirtless green man. Murdoc stomped a bit further into the room. "IT'S NO TIME TO BE SLEEPING YOU FACEACHE, WE HAVE IMPORTANT WORK TO BE DOING."

2-D was too scared of Murdoc to protest. He could only nod, tightening his grip on Shane. After Murdoc had left the room, 2-D walked downstairs and into the kitchen. Groaning at the bread slices, he popped two into the toaster. Breakfast would be toast again, just as it had been every morning. Taking the two slightly burned slices of bread out of the toaster, he attempted to wedge a corner into Shane's mouth, but to no avail.

Without a word, 2-D took himself and the baby outside. Passing right by the mailman, he waved to Russell on the roof and set off down the street to the nearby park. He settled down on a bench beside a tree and began to look at the children on the playground with their parents standing near the jungle gym. 2-D wiped the tears from his eyes as he looked down at his own child. He wasn't cut out to be a father. He was just...2-D. The tall, blue haired, pretty-boy who couldn't even keep a girlfriend. But he was sure of one thing, and it was that he'd learn how to be the father figure Shane needed so badly.

A/N: Thanks so much for the follows, fav, and review! All in just 2 days! I have some ideas for the next chapter, so let me know what you think of this one and I'll be writing chapter 3 for ya. It'll probably be out in a few days, but it could be a week or two depending on how busy I am.


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